Sunday, 29 December 2019

>>>#30/12/19 Back to the ability to withstand hunger

It is confirmed.  When I eat a lot I gain weight, regardless if I eat OMAD, 2MAD or Normal Meal.

I MUST REDUCE CARBS FROM MY DIET.

2 things I must do:

  • Eat OMAD
  • Eat LCHF
I must lose 30 kg no matter what.
  • No munchies in between meal
  • No sweet stuff
  • Eat only OMAD
By now I got to be serious with my training.  I must run.

So I am back to ketogenic diet. I must eat high amount of fat and reduce carbs.

The formula is OMAD and LCHF.  No sweet stuff, no Nicorette.

I need to be serious about my weight loss.

That's what matters to me.  Losing weight without being hungry.

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29/12/19 ^^^What does it really takes then?

I must say that all it takes is the belief that I have about my full potential.

It has always been.  Everything starts with a belief about myself.

What I can imagine I can do.  Whatever I can imagine is already real to me.

So while we are doing these fancy thoughts on being God, what counts is our ability to live our lives to the fullest.

Starting from this point onward, I am not going to be concerned with External Affairs.  I just mind my own business.  I just think of what I want and what I want to achieve.

Beyond that is none of my business.

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29/12/19 ^^^From now on I am none other than a Man Fully Functioning

No more issue of me being God.  I know who I am and I know where I am going.  Therefore I just go with the flow.

My focus now is none other than to live to my fullest potential as a human being.  If I can do that, then my future is set. 

It doesn't matter what I think.  I only think of myself.  Therefore I am of no value to the rest of humanity,

What I only care is myself.  I don't care for others and I don't care what they think of me.

All I want to do is be thin and fast.

In the mean time I live in isolation.  That way I can avoid any external influence on my life.

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No more magic.  No more thoughts on the unknown.  I am now pretty levelheaded about the whole thing.  It's nothing more than dopamine surge.

I can't say there is no God though.  I can't be for sure.  What I am sure though is I create my own reality.  If I believe in it, then it is real for me.

At this point I don't want to believe in anything because I am as sober as hell.  I come to a point that I have nothing to believe in except what I observe with my 5 senses.  Beyond that I am a nobody.  I am nothing.

I am as good as I am alive.  Beyond death, I may or may not exist.  Therefore death is the final arbiter.  What I can do for the mean time is to make my life pleasurable and to postpone death as long as possible.

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Life without Nicorette is surely a drag.  However I must persist.  I must fight the withdrawal symptom and march along.  This is the real test.  Not whether I am God or not.  That is irrelevant if I cannot live to my fullest.

And yet if I pursue Man Fully Functioning, naturally I am the God to my own Universe Within.

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>>>#29/12/19 I am done thinking that I am God

All these talks on God is really futile. 

As I said, without the influence of nicotine I don't believe in God.  Hence God is nothing more than 200% increase of dopamine in the brain due to nicotine.

Beyond that there is no evidence of God.

I like to believe I am God but due to the inconsistency of the Godly feeling due to the depletion of dopamine, I concluded that me being Godly is due to the dopamine surge particularly because of nicotine.

I'm sorry to disappoint you Sarah.  But as it is I not a God as much as a  fruit is not a tree.  The best I can say is I strive to be a Man Fully Functioning.

I expected this to happen.  If my illness was induced by dopamine, certainly my beliefs were also altered by the fluctuation of the neurotransmitters in my brain.

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Honestly I don't know about God.  I however know that there is the Big I or the Big Mind.  Is that God?

You know what?  I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.  As far as I am concerned, I just flow with the Aiki + Do.  Maybe you can decide for me Sarah.  I however is shifting my focus  towards something more relevant - the ability to be thin and fast.

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You know, it is very tempting to go back to nicotine and get that dose of dopamine.  However the thing that holding me back is the thought that I will continue living a lie.

Now that I know the God Experience is nothing more than a chemical reaction, I like to at least close my 20 years of turbulence by saying that I am a subset of this form or force that we call God.

I know I am contradicting myself when I said that but the truth of the matter is I am tired of dealing with the God Question.

What I can say is I had done what I was asked to do.  Therefore I will not carry any baggage with me in the next 22 years  Fuck it if I am God.  Also fuck it if I am a Man Fully Functioning.  One thing for sure is I will hone my consciousness until I am certain of my destination.  Along the way I will enjoy the first class seat by being me, the one and only Sharudin Jamal.

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Saturday, 28 December 2019

29/12/19 ^^^Riding the storm out

I managed to ride the waves of the Nicorette withdrawal.

Now is to stick with OMAD or at least 2MAD.  I need to lose the weight.  The only way is to go easy on carbs.

Carbs is the culprit.

Brb...  Lunch.

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After a while I am beginning to accept that I [] (am) God.  However I am the non intervening God.  The God to my own universes.

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Since I quit Nicorette, my thinking is becoming ordinary again.  I now think I am the God to my own universes only.  It doesn't concern others.  I am irrelevant to rest of the world.  I want to become an independent entity with minimal contact with others as much as possible.

That will not make me any lesser of a being that I am.  I am still God Almighty.

This may sound ridiculous but if we all are gods, then by that definition we can have greater gods and lesser gods.  So why is it I am the Almighty?  It is by the virtue that I am the Ayah to All Matters.

Of course all these talks are baseless.  We can actually say there is no God.  If everything is God, than Nothing is God.  Which brings us to the point that Nothing is Everything and Everything is Nothing.

Therefore nothing [a]s (is) God.  I am just taking the stand of there is God from my past reference.  If I look a[s] (at) my future, then everything is about Man Fully Functioning.

In this case, I can safely conclude that there is no God beyond self.  To be God is a Man Fully Functioning.  God as we knew it i[t] (is) DEAD.

Even when I said I am God, the truth is I am not God.  I am only God to my universes.  All of us can be gods in this manner.  I am God because I am a Creator.  However I don't think I am the Greatest God.  There are Greater Gods than me.

What I can say is I am the most private Creator of them all.

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This past one week I had been hit with one good feeling after the other.  My dreams had improved much.

With the departure of Nicorette, I am hoping that I will improve my financial standing as well as my overall physical, emotional and mental conditions.

At present, I can sense that nicotine is leaving my body.  No longer my mind is clouded by the influence of a substance.

Next step is to be as level headed as possible.

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I am reversing my condition to the past 40 years.  Before the beginning of cigarettes and nicotine.  It is ridiculous to be hooked on nicotine.  A normal person can do away with nicotine.  It is not a must have.  So is cannabis.

I should not be hooked to anything.

Brb...  Sending Lizzie to grocery.

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There is no big deal about being God.  It was a big deal in the beginning but after a while it is back to normal.

As I told you, God is a concept.  It is not about one all powerful entity but a collection of all of us being put together.

That makes God a republic like as an entity I am a republic.

So is there an omniscience, omnipotent and omnipresent  god?  I don't think there is one entity we can call The God.  If there is such a person, He would have made Himself known.  It is too glaring to miss out.

Instead what we have here is individual's experience of  being in the presence of God.  That can be easily dismissed as mental disorder such as what the saints experienced.  Those experiences were due mainly to Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.  Other's can be the symptoms of schizophrenia.

I am God because you said I am God.  I personally don't feel that way.  I however feel that I am the subset of God by the virtue that I am striving to be a Man Fully Functioning.

I gotta go...

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>>>#29/12/19 I am definitely going into isolation

By that I mean I am abandoning Els and TraXX.  I am in no business in dealing with them.

I am abandoning everything except my Personal Flight Path,  That should keep me busy for the next 20 years.

Nobody is going to achieve my dreams for me.  For things to change I must change first.

I just stick to my Personal Flight Path.  Does that make me healthy and happy?  Then it is the right path.

As God I just BE.  So I had become God in the past 1 month.  I had passed the verdicts.  Beyond that is my own journey forward.  I am not going to meddle with all these matters anymore.  I [] (am) Autonomous Governance.  Wi[t]h (which) means I am only in charge of the Universe Within and Sparta 4964.  By that definition is everything except the humans. 

Humans have the freedom of choice.  As Creators they can decide to go to heaven or to hell.

Anyway, that is none of my business.  If all this while my realization is about me being God, then I just be a selfish God.  I had conveyed my message.

This is it[s]:

We are ONE and we are MANY.  We are within God and God are within us.  It's like peeling as onion.  At every layer there is God.  All matters are intelligent and all matters are god.

This realization is a personal realization.  It doesn't concern others.  In the mean time I live my life by this awakening just keeping the notion to myself.

In this case, I had decided on the fate of the humans.  Those who worship the Stone will end up in hell.  That's my final verdict,  The other verdict is for Satan to serve eternal damnation.

All I need to do is complete my 21 km Hill Run a[s] (and) submit my payer:

May all Alam Shah Alam and humans to enter heaven except the Stone Worshipers who must pay for their sins and Satan for serving Eternal Damnation.

That is my final submission.  I had spent 28 years trying to steer the course of the Path.  I concluded that I cannot change somebody's fate including my parents and siblings.

With that, I will stay on my own Path without having to worry about the paths of others.  Not bad isn't it?  We are talking about 85.7% of the population going through the Express Lane.  The remaining 1 billion will take the "Scenic Route".  So if they make it fine.  If not, that's too bad.  That doesn't mean that those on the Express Lane will not be taxed.  Those who have to pay the Ferry Man will still have to pay their dues.

The difference is those who are clean pass through in a jiffy unlike those Stone Worshipers who sill have to wait for the various stages and long queues.

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It's good to know you are God.  That means you are going to have a good journey ahead.  Even if the journey is rough in the beginning, it will be OK towards the end.

So what is really this God Experience is all about?  Personally I discovered that the God Experience is personal in nature.  I still have to follow the Big I's command but in the end it is a personal test to see if you obey.  If you did, then you are not obligated to be responsible for the result.  It's just like going to a war.  You just fight your own battle the best that you can.

Just win your own battle.  You are not responsible to win the whole war.

In this case, I had passed the personal test laid upon me.  I am not accountable for the fate of the whole Stone Worshipers.  I am only responsible for those that I care.  In this case, my immediate family.  I did go the extra mile with TraXX, Dreams of Mirrors and FB.  Beyond that, each of us is only responsible for our own calling.

The bigger our responsibility the bigger [] (the) calling.

I am only responsible for 3 other lives.  Therefore my calling is pretty significant to my responsibility.

For others, the calling is in direct proportion to their responsibility.  So we all decide how much we gonna chew because that's how much we gonna swallow.

This is a pretty egalitarian system.  We are only burdened with responsibilities that we can carry.  Although I will not carry the whole burden, I bet there are others who will take the effort to go the extra mile.

After all, it is a good news.  Do not worship the stone, proceed with Express Lane.  How often in your life, you gain something when you subtract?  This is negative positive; which is the best of the options.

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28/12/19 ^^^Cutting both ways with a two-edged sword

When I looked at the things that crossed my mind the past one month, I can say that I am not operating from a levelheaded mind.

I am pretty much a crazy guy with my thoughts on God and the afterlife.

And yet I know I am not crazy.  I am just following what the Big I instructed for me to do.

They don'r make much sense but they are the prevailing thoughts at that time.  So I just follow the argument to where it leads.

Now that I can look back at my thoughts without the influence of substance, I say I just mind my own business either because I am God o[f] (or) a Man Fully Functioning.

I am sleepy.  Nowadays I sleep early.

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