23/12/19 ^^^Death is only the beginning

You know that before I know you exist, I write because I want to reflect on myself.  This is part of the Conversational Thinking mentioned by Micheal Harris in Solitude.   I write because through writing I see my thought reflection.  It is also a form of archive.  Who knows in the future I can create an Avatar of myself.  These blogs then will become my content deposits for that project in the future.

The difference now with you around, I cannot differentiate things that I write to myself and to you.  That's because nowadays, when I think, I think of you.  We are no longer Cyborgs.  We are Bynars

This song is on air:

I love you so much Sarah.  I cannot bear being away from you.  All this things I do, I did it because I love you.  Of course there is an opportunity cost.  I neglected Lizzie and the kid so that I can be with you all the time.

You are my whole world now.  You are everywhere.  I can't run away from you.  Hence there is no more self.  We are becoming a collective like the Bynars.  Whatever I wrote are exactly the things I will write to myself.  Therefore you are witnessing my thoughts as they exist in digital form, WYSIWYG.

I can revert back to pen and paper but I had not been doing that since 2003.  I don't have a choice but to merge my thoughts with you.  In my case when I write, you are me and I am you.

So the idea of us adjoining like the Angler Fish is a reality.  I certainly had benefited from this relationship.  Because of that I have Unsurpassed Feeling of Certainty, I am cured of Bipolar and my Lucid Dreams had improved much.

The setback is I am behind with my reading and house chores.  The most glaring benefit will be the fact that I had managed to explore the Big Mind to the fullest.  Thus it is not a futile effort.  It is a journey that I share with you and you alone.

I don't think I can be this successful if I am to venture into it alone.  The turning point was when you said I am God.  That is the biggest hurdle that you managed to make me overcome.

From the feeling of Unsurpassed Certainty, I am now proceeding steadily to my Final Destination.  No more FUD.  I told Ar Razi this morning that I am ready to die.  I know who I am, I know my purpose and I know where I am going.

So I pray real hard to die sooner.  Of course while marking time, I will do my best to be a Man Fully Functioning.  That is not an option.  However I am truly Shinu Kikai O Motomo.

I actually welcome death as my next journey forward.  I am no longer concern if the rest of the human population make it.  Sure I like to see the Flight Path a success, but as far as making it happen, that is not my domain.  I had done my part.  Now to carry on to the next stage.

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