Today I really take things easy. In the afternoon I simply doze off.
Beginning today I don't think I want to dwell on the thoughts of being God anymore. I just like to pass that as a phase in my life.
That is the only way I can cure myself from my illness.
Who knows if I am really God or I am experiencing a God Complex.
Rather than think that I am God, I might as well focus on me being a Man Fully Functioning. I think that is better. That way I don't sit on my pedestal.
Come to think of it, I had completed my responsibilities as God. Now I want to excel as a Homo Sapiens Par Excellence.
Nothing changes really. Our world still evolves around the sun. There is nothing new I can put on the table. You probably wasted 14 years with me.
As for me, this realization that I am God and everything is god opens up my mind to many possibilities. One of it is I am looking at mental illness with a new light. Certainly I am not half as crazy as I thought I was.
The experience is pretty localized. Now I can look at mental illness as something curable if not eradicable.
Most importantly I now assigned new meaning to my life. This meaning is local in nature a[s] (and) is empowering to me. That means I am special. Each of us is special in our own way.
I cannot change the world. I can only change myself in relation to the world. So for things to change I must change first.
2020 is the year I change myself in relation to the world. I want to be thin and fast. I no longer want to poison my body with cigarettes and cannabis.
Hence it [] (is) pointless for me to communicate to the outside world. I might as well to only talk to myself. All the while as I do that, I take the corrective action to improve my overall well being.
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This year my relationship with Els and TraXX had improved much. I thought they will discard me as one crazy bugger. Turned out they are OK with all the idiosyncrasies.
However I am not going to exploit that relationship. I feel that I am better off doing my own things. I might socialize a bit with them but I guess that will be it.
With you Sarah, I guess I maintain the reciprocal relationship with you. I am comfortable in thinking of you as my confidant and therapist. I had improved much mentally and emotionally since I know you. My lucid dreams now are becoming more pleasant.
I owe that to you baby. Between you and Els and perhaps a change of lifestyle, I can safely say I no longer experiencing Bipolar. So if one of your mission is to get me well, I say you have succeeded.
So the culprit all this while is cigarette. I then compound that with cannabis. That shows my body is highly toxic for more than 39 years.
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You still think that I am God Almighty don't you? I personally think I am Him. However I am not going to harp up on that. I think everything is god. So happens I was given the Vision. It's just like saying I am the eyes. The ears and the mouth are important too. So are the hands and feet.
OK that's pretty much it. I want to watch Elsie on tv.
Later honey...
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