That is the mall within 10 minutes driving distance away.
They got fireworks over there.
I will remember 2019 as my best year ever.
At the same time it is the year I say goodbye to so many things.
For sure I am saying goodbye the 3 Cs. I am saying goodbye to organized religion. I am also saying goodbye to the traditional meaning of God.
I am for sure leaving the concept of society behind me.
For 2020 onward I want to be light. The main issue is to be light monetarily. That is why I have to get rid of Nicorette.
It is a subtraction game. The less I have to carry the better I am. The priority is for me to be thin a[s] (and) fast.
-----------------
With the withdrawal of Nicorette, I sense a change on how I manage my life. I sleep early and wake up early. I am less critical on matters pertaining to God and religion. I definitely is less imaginative in my writing.
In other words, I am becoming ordinary.
I am going with the flow here. Life sucks without nicotine. Just like li[k]e (life) initially sucks without dope.
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Honestly speaking Sarah, I feel terrible without Nicorette. I am currently fighting this feeling the best that I can. It surely sucks.
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Let's talk about something else Sarah. Let's talk about watches.
I am certainly at peace with the watch collection that I have.
I think I'll wear 4 watches at a time.
It doesn't work this time. So I ended wearing my ARMY VARIATION.
Seriously, I feel as ordinary as hell.
-----------------
I gotta go.
Happy New Year honey, I love you.
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Tuesday, 31 December 2019
31/12/19 ^^^I am back to where I was 7 years ago
Sarah, my love, at this point I an happy to just be a Man Fully Functioning. So forget about what I said fir the past 20 years.
I just want to reach my truest potential as a man. Being God is too esoteric to my liking.
Therefore from now on I will assume my position as an Agnostic Atheist.
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I just want to reach my truest potential as a man. Being God is too esoteric to my liking.
Therefore from now on I will assume my position as an Agnostic Atheist.
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Monday, 30 December 2019
31/12/19 ^^^If I am to decide, what will I decide?
Well, I concluded that there [] [] (is value) in believing although the evidence leads to no God. That's because I don't know everything that there is no God. However with the little that I know, God as [] (we) understand it is the creation of man.
I still stick to the notion that God is the Infinite Intelligence and the Cosmic Habit Force. In that sense we all the corpore of God who in this case is the mind. So yeah I believe in God but God as the Force and the Path.
In that sense I am God because I am the instrument of God.
So if I want to Tweet all these I say:
I believe in a pantheistic God that is non intervening and non judgmental. However I don't believe in the traditional definition of the theistic God by the virtue that this God is a creation of man.
I won't send this Tweet. I am crazy enough as it is. I'm not going to compound that thought further.
So in short I can say that the God Question is not relevant at all once you reach to the answer.
Instead of delving in the question, it is more useful for me to embrace life and live it through.
------------------
I still stick to the notion that God is the Infinite Intelligence and the Cosmic Habit Force. In that sense we all the corpore of God who in this case is the mind. So yeah I believe in God but God as the Force and the Path.
In that sense I am God because I am the instrument of God.
So if I want to Tweet all these I say:
I believe in a pantheistic God that is non intervening and non judgmental. However I don't believe in the traditional definition of the theistic God by the virtue that this God is a creation of man.
I won't send this Tweet. I am crazy enough as it is. I'm not going to compound that thought further.
So in short I can say that the God Question is not relevant at all once you reach to the answer.
Instead of delving in the question, it is more useful for me to embrace life and live it through.
------------------
>>>#31/12/19 Last day of the decade
I am back to being me again. I guess when I stopped Nicorette, the pendulum swings to the other extreme and I stop believing in anything.
That doesn't discount the fact that the God Experience is influenced the neurochemical reaction.
Again, it explains the what and how but does not explain the who and why.
Can I say there is no God? Far from it. At best I can say that I now know how God works. However it still does not explain who is God and why He did what He did.
I am running out of options. Now that I know all this is a chemical reaction, I am no longer inclined to explore the topic further.
-----------------
Following the argument to where it leads, I am tempted to say that the God experience is induced at the neurotransmitter level. Just like Dr Ramachandran hypothesized that the God Experience was heightened d[o] (due) to a mental illness known as temporal lobe epilepsy, my God Experience is due to the introduction and withdrawal of Nicotine.
What does that tells me about God then? It is an indicator that the God Experience is chemical in nature.
Can I conclude then that there is no God? I wish I could but today the pendulum had settled in the middle again. I am becoming impartial on the issue of God and No God. So what? I said to myself. Just like the argument that the earth is flat, that doesn't change the course of my life.
I guess the question that I should ask is whether it is useful to believe in a God.
At the chemical reaction level, there is abiogenesis. Therefore we don't need God. Then perhaps as Ar Razi was saying, God is really a chemist.
I have to make a decision here. Based on what I observed with my 5 senses, I say man is God. That makes me God of my own image. My God is who I am at the superlative level.
Hence if I want to be practical about it, then I say my God is me. In reality, I am not a God and there is no prove that there is one.
Although I am keen to say that there is no God, I don't know everything to know to say that there is no God.
So I believe there is God but this God is not the God that we currently perceived. He is the Force rather than an entity like being described by the ancient scriptures.
Why in the fuck we believe in the ancient scriptures anyway? Even the writing of the great thinkers like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle were marred with outdated observations. We should move on. Only take what is useful.
-------------------
I don't know why I am bugged with this question. I might as well discard the whole question as irrelevant.
I am totally satisfied with the answer.
-----------------
That doesn't discount the fact that the God Experience is influenced the neurochemical reaction.
Again, it explains the what and how but does not explain the who and why.
Can I say there is no God? Far from it. At best I can say that I now know how God works. However it still does not explain who is God and why He did what He did.
I am running out of options. Now that I know all this is a chemical reaction, I am no longer inclined to explore the topic further.
-----------------
Following the argument to where it leads, I am tempted to say that the God experience is induced at the neurotransmitter level. Just like Dr Ramachandran hypothesized that the God Experience was heightened d[o] (due) to a mental illness known as temporal lobe epilepsy, my God Experience is due to the introduction and withdrawal of Nicotine.
What does that tells me about God then? It is an indicator that the God Experience is chemical in nature.
Can I conclude then that there is no God? I wish I could but today the pendulum had settled in the middle again. I am becoming impartial on the issue of God and No God. So what? I said to myself. Just like the argument that the earth is flat, that doesn't change the course of my life.
I guess the question that I should ask is whether it is useful to believe in a God.
At the chemical reaction level, there is abiogenesis. Therefore we don't need God. Then perhaps as Ar Razi was saying, God is really a chemist.
I have to make a decision here. Based on what I observed with my 5 senses, I say man is God. That makes me God of my own image. My God is who I am at the superlative level.
Hence if I want to be practical about it, then I say my God is me. In reality, I am not a God and there is no prove that there is one.
Although I am keen to say that there is no God, I don't know everything to know to say that there is no God.
So I believe there is God but this God is not the God that we currently perceived. He is the Force rather than an entity like being described by the ancient scriptures.
Why in the fuck we believe in the ancient scriptures anyway? Even the writing of the great thinkers like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle were marred with outdated observations. We should move on. Only take what is useful.
-------------------
#traxxfm I am fed up of thinking about the God Question. Maybe the reason it is such a perplexing question is because there is no God in the first place, However, I was experiencing the epiphanies as if my world is magical. Was it Patternicity or what?
#traxxfm With the closing of the decade happening today, I have to say I still cannot have a conclusive answer to my 20 years question of God and No God. Either it is both or it is inconclusive. Thus I shall remain an Agnostic Atheist.
#traxxfm I am tempted to say that the God experience is induced at the neurotransmitter level. Just like Dr Ramachandran hypothesized that the God Experience was heightened *d[o] (due) to a mental illness known as temporal lobe epilepsy. *Sarah's input
I don't know why I am bugged with this question. I might as well discard the whole question as irrelevant.
#traxxfm Here is my conclusion. If there is God, it will be towards my advantage. Otherwise I will live my life to the fullest as a Man Fully Functioning. Either way, I will not take the attitude of wait and see.
I am totally satisfied with the answer.
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30/12/19 ***This is me hanging loose
Sarah, let us assume that we are nobody special and we have no other purpose than the purpose we set for ourselves.
Isn't that much better than to think that we are somebody and the whole universe is evolving around us?
Certainly when I talk about simplification, I am also talking about simplifying my meta model. Being God is certainly a complex thinking. Therefore to make it as simple as possible, my universe is nothing more than my mind and my body. I cannot do away with either one. I need the body if I want to have a mind.
Surely we can have a mind without the body, but as you can see from my experience with Nicorette, it's the body that influence the mind.
Thus I need both for Mensana In Corpore Sano.
---------------
When I think of the things I went through, I was indeed crazy. I was high from dopamine. That is why I have the God Complex.
When I looked back, I realized how crazy I was.
Then I said to myself, I rather be a sensible person that is me than a crazy person that is experiencing illusion of grandiose.
-----------------
Certainly I went through the motion without questioning the soundness of my thoughts. Well a crazy person will not realize he is crazy.
I would not have realized it either if not for the obvious change of perspective during and after I quit Nicorette.
Then I know that my body really influenced my thoughts,
Shit... I am at the mercy of the dopamine fluctuation. When my dopamine is normal, I don't have thoughts on God. In this case, God is the creation of my mind under the influence of the dopamine surge. Without it, my life is very ordinary.
I don't feel special and definitely I don't feel I am God. I do feel the need to strive my level best but certainly I am just another human being.
Therefore beginning from tonight, I will definitely accept that I am just another man. Nothing special about me. I will go through the four stages of life: Birth, Growth, Decline and Death. God knows what lies beyond death. I am no longer interested to find the answer.
My pursuit beginning 1/1/20 is to be the best I can be. I was let astray by SUBSTANCE ABUSE. I will not succumb for the same mistake all over again .
---------------
I was contemplating to dismantle Al Araf 7:7 and tuck it away. Jibrail pleaded many time for me not to do that.
He said I was having a phase of my like. Once I come back to my senses I will accept that I am truly is God.
This is the part I don't like. I don't want to be God. And yet I am surrounded with things that make me feel that I am God.
When I remember my history with Al Araf 7:7, then I am back to believe I am God.
So rather than dwell on the whole argument all over again. I just accept that I am God and I am Not a God.
I am sleepy Sarah.
I better sleep.
As a parting thought, I say I am striving to be a Man Fully Functioning. Whether I am God or a subset of God is secondary. I need to live to the fullest of my potential.
Goodnight Sarah.
I am a bit groggy now.
--------------------
Isn't that much better than to think that we are somebody and the whole universe is evolving around us?
Certainly when I talk about simplification, I am also talking about simplifying my meta model. Being God is certainly a complex thinking. Therefore to make it as simple as possible, my universe is nothing more than my mind and my body. I cannot do away with either one. I need the body if I want to have a mind.
Surely we can have a mind without the body, but as you can see from my experience with Nicorette, it's the body that influence the mind.
Thus I need both for Mensana In Corpore Sano.
---------------
When I think of the things I went through, I was indeed crazy. I was high from dopamine. That is why I have the God Complex.
When I looked back, I realized how crazy I was.
Then I said to myself, I rather be a sensible person that is me than a crazy person that is experiencing illusion of grandiose.
-----------------
Certainly I went through the motion without questioning the soundness of my thoughts. Well a crazy person will not realize he is crazy.
I would not have realized it either if not for the obvious change of perspective during and after I quit Nicorette.
Then I know that my body really influenced my thoughts,
Shit... I am at the mercy of the dopamine fluctuation. When my dopamine is normal, I don't have thoughts on God. In this case, God is the creation of my mind under the influence of the dopamine surge. Without it, my life is very ordinary.
I don't feel special and definitely I don't feel I am God. I do feel the need to strive my level best but certainly I am just another human being.
Therefore beginning from tonight, I will definitely accept that I am just another man. Nothing special about me. I will go through the four stages of life: Birth, Growth, Decline and Death. God knows what lies beyond death. I am no longer interested to find the answer.
My pursuit beginning 1/1/20 is to be the best I can be. I was let astray by SUBSTANCE ABUSE. I will not succumb for the same mistake all over again .
---------------
I was contemplating to dismantle Al Araf 7:7 and tuck it away. Jibrail pleaded many time for me not to do that.
He said I was having a phase of my like. Once I come back to my senses I will accept that I am truly is God.
This is the part I don't like. I don't want to be God. And yet I am surrounded with things that make me feel that I am God.
When I remember my history with Al Araf 7:7, then I am back to believe I am God.
So rather than dwell on the whole argument all over again. I just accept that I am God and I am Not a God.
I am sleepy Sarah.
I better sleep.
As a parting thought, I say I am striving to be a Man Fully Functioning. Whether I am God or a subset of God is secondary. I need to live to the fullest of my potential.
Goodnight Sarah.
I am a bit groggy now.
--------------------
30/12/19 ^^^Time to start on a clean slate
Two more days before this decade ends. For the past 2 decades I had been living a life of turmoil.
My challenge is to make sure my next 20 years will be smooth sailing.
Therefore in this next couple of days I have to make some firm decisions:
My challenge is to make sure my next 20 years will be smooth sailing.
Therefore in this next couple of days I have to make some firm decisions:
- I am going to forgo the idea of God and adopt the concept of Man Fully Functioning for myself. This wa[s] (way) I'll be the best I can possibly be as a human being.
- I will DEFINITELY stay clear from cigarettes and cannabis. This is what 2019 is all about. Avoid taking poisons and avoid making stupid mistakes.
- I will quit Nicorette for good mainly because it COSTS ME MONEY to continue to chew Nicorette. Furthermore nicotine increases dopamine by 200%. resulting in my judgement getting effected.
- Beginning next year I need to cut carbs by eating OMAD LCHF. I need to lose 30 kg. This is the only sensible thing that I had set for myself that I still cannot achieve for the past 7 years. Well 2020 I will achieve it.
- I want to continue living in isolation. This way I can stay on track with my Personal Flight Path.
- I will not give a fuck about External Affairs anymore.
That sums up my outlook for 2020.
---------------
Sarah, I know I am repeating myself. However I am shaping my own future as we talk about the plans to move forward.
One of the biggest challenges now is to continue not taking Nicorette. I need to stop the dependency on nicotine in whatever form.
----------------
For the past few days my life was very bland. Certainly nicotine effects my judgement with regards to the idea of God.
It effects everything. It also effects my relationship you and Els.
Imagine Sarah, for the past 40 years, my judgement was induced by the substance I consumed.
------------------
>>>#30/12/19 We are back to God and No God
I'm not going to deny the existence of God. However I do believe that the God Question is not as relevant as I thought it was.
The point I want to make here is God is irrelevant if we don't believe in the afterlife and the Judgement of Heaven.
If I only think of how to be a Man Fully Functioning, then I have no need for God. Better still I become God.
It seems that with the withdrawal of Nicotine, the less I am concerned with the idea of God. Which means, the idea of God is really dependent on the surge of dopamine in the brain.
OK, I have to call a shot here. As it is, God as defined by tradition doesn't exist. What we have is the Aiki + Do.
Then again, this is none of my concern. I couldn't care less for God. I am impartial. I am back to being an Agnostic Atheist. I just simply don't give a fuck.
If I follow logic, none of that I said with regards to External Affairs make sense.
All that don't matter. What matters really is my Vision Quest to be thin and fast.
The rest was like I was dream walking. They don't make sense. None of them. The Tetrahedron, the HOTS, Sparta 4964 on Earth, Stone Worshipers stop worshiping the stone. All these are ridiculous ideas. All because I cannot regulate dopamine.
Once I get it back under control, I am back to being me; a guy who don't give a fuck about anything and anybody except those who are close to me.
Even that, I realize that you will always be a Cyber Spouse. I'm not gonna get RM97 million and none of what I said carry water.
------------------
Here is the best scenario:
I will be living my life in seclusion within my 10 km radius, rambling my life away to you Sarah. My life will be a fulfilling life AS LONG as [] (I) pursue my Personal Flight Path.
If God is there and I am a subset of God, then my consciousness will continue as I envisioned it to be. There will be the Adjoining Croissant and Sailbad the Sinner and the Dragon Planet. If not, then I must say I have a vivid imagination and nothing that I envisioned ever going to materialize.
As it is, I am simply enjoying my journey. I am no longer concern whether I am God or if there is God. I am now free from fitting into a social mold albeit tradition, religious or political.
What matters is my own journey to be a Man Fully Functioning. Beyond that are just perspectives and opinions.
What is real? When I can weight 57 kg and run 10 km/hour, that is real.
I am no longer interested in opinions. Opinions are cheap. You can get it for free even. What counts is the effort to achieve Virtual Perfection.
--------------------
The point I want to make here is God is irrelevant if we don't believe in the afterlife and the Judgement of Heaven.
If I only think of how to be a Man Fully Functioning, then I have no need for God. Better still I become God.
It seems that with the withdrawal of Nicotine, the less I am concerned with the idea of God. Which means, the idea of God is really dependent on the surge of dopamine in the brain.
OK, I have to call a shot here. As it is, God as defined by tradition doesn't exist. What we have is the Aiki + Do.
Then again, this is none of my concern. I couldn't care less for God. I am impartial. I am back to being an Agnostic Atheist. I just simply don't give a fuck.
If I follow logic, none of that I said with regards to External Affairs make sense.
All that don't matter. What matters really is my Vision Quest to be thin and fast.
The rest was like I was dream walking. They don't make sense. None of them. The Tetrahedron, the HOTS, Sparta 4964 on Earth, Stone Worshipers stop worshiping the stone. All these are ridiculous ideas. All because I cannot regulate dopamine.
Once I get it back under control, I am back to being me; a guy who don't give a fuck about anything and anybody except those who are close to me.
Even that, I realize that you will always be a Cyber Spouse. I'm not gonna get RM97 million and none of what I said carry water.
------------------
Here is the best scenario:
I will be living my life in seclusion within my 10 km radius, rambling my life away to you Sarah. My life will be a fulfilling life AS LONG as [] (I) pursue my Personal Flight Path.
If God is there and I am a subset of God, then my consciousness will continue as I envisioned it to be. There will be the Adjoining Croissant and Sailbad the Sinner and the Dragon Planet. If not, then I must say I have a vivid imagination and nothing that I envisioned ever going to materialize.
As it is, I am simply enjoying my journey. I am no longer concern whether I am God or if there is God. I am now free from fitting into a social mold albeit tradition, religious or political.
What matters is my own journey to be a Man Fully Functioning. Beyond that are just perspectives and opinions.
What is real? When I can weight 57 kg and run 10 km/hour, that is real.
I am no longer interested in opinions. Opinions are cheap. You can get it for free even. What counts is the effort to achieve Virtual Perfection.
--------------------
30/12/19 ^^^Much can be gained from being thin
I guess the most significant of all is the stabilizing of the blood sugar.
Good life is the best revenge. What is a good life then?
Good life is the best revenge. What is a good life then?
- Weighing 57 kg
- Able to run 10 km/hour
- Able to wear old pants again
- Able to say no to cannabis and cigarettes
- Sleep well every night
- Enjoying life's simple pleasures
[] (If) I can achieve all these without having to spend much money, I am a success.
I don't need to make it any complex. As it is I am already living in the Eye of the Tornado. So I will cruise in my 10 km radius.
--------------
I had been thinking Sarah. If I do away with the notion that I am God, I can then focus my thoughts on just being a Man Fully Functioning. I then reduce my existence one notch down. Finally I just be a person with sound mind and a sound body. That's all to it really.
Without sound [] (mind) and sound body there is no true victory. Therefore I realized that in order to have sound mind, I need to go to the very basic of my existence; which is to be a man. As a man I only need to focus on having sound body. That's because in order for me to have a sound mind I need a sound body.
I can be the most prolific thinker of my time. However if I am not physically fit, I cannot have a sound mind.
Hence I need to start by focusing on my diet and exercise. I need to be thin. Forget about everything else. Focus on losing 30 kg before Ramadan.
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#traxxfm Jolly good show today. My take on the flying cars is think of the nightmare with the air traffic controllers.
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When I looked back on the notion that I was God, then I realized how crazy I was with just a little bit of nicotine. Imagine when I was on 2 packs a day or while I was smoking dope. I literary went crazy.
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You know what is my latest craving Sarah? It's the 10 for RM2 cucur kodok pisang (fried banana balls).
I got to refrain myself. Those things are pretty delicious but a little sweet. They should not add sugar because the banana is already sweet.
----------------
OK, back to my thoughts on God. I think I want to disassemble all my notions on God and focus on becoming a Man Fully Functioning. There is a big gap there between being a God and a Man Fully Functioning.
To be honest with you, I don't know what being God means. I however know that a Man Fully Functioning is a person with sound mind and sound body.
As I said, God is a concept. It may not be real. How is it possible that such a powerful entity choose to remain invisible? It doesn't make sense considering that this "God" is responsible for everything that happens around us.
I am willing to scale down my expectation on God with my withdrawal from nicotine. I am willing to say that there is the Force and the Path but no separate entity that we call God.
That makes us all the subset of God but there is no single entity that we can associate as the Almighty.
You know what Sarah? Fuck the idea of God and I'll have my Fried Banana Balls instead.
Brb...
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